"It doesn't look good on anyone with a full bust" (or putting yourself out there when you're not a model)

"A really huge woman made it, and it looked okay on her."

She wasn't talking about me, was she? I'd read the comment on a PatternReview thread where another poster had posted a question asking if Vogue 1194, a knit dress pattern would work for someone with curves.

Vogue 1194

Off the top of my head, I was the only plus sized who had sewn and reviewed Vogue 1194, so I quickly clicked the link to all reviews for the pattern, scrolled through and discovered that, yes, she was indeed talking about me. I was clearly the largest sewist who had reviewed the pattern so far.

I quickly typed a response in return. My response may have contained the phrase "huge bitch". However, I took a deep breath, deleted my response before I sent it, and instead contacted the board moderator and asked that the post be removed.

Did I look terrible in the dress? Nothing I wear is going to make me look like a size 8, but "huge"? While the dress wasn't exactly bust-minimizing, I thought that it did make my waist look awfully small in comparison, and I liked that about it.

A "really huge woman"

Even though I wanted to "take back" my dress after reading that rude comment, I never wore it again. I was also hesitant to post reviews on Pattern Review for a while after that, as well. (I wasn't actively blogging at the time, which was about four years ago.)

I'm bringing up this incident now because I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about what I feel comfortable publishing on my blog and online in general. When you post something online, whether it's a picture of yourself or a sewing tutorial, most of the responses you get will likely be very positive and supportive. However, you always run the risk of someone saying something that's less than kind. Usually the comments aren't as rude as the one from the Vogue dress incident, but I've still read the following remarks and managed to take them personally:

• "Don't feel bad, I've seen this pattern made up by many women so far, and I don't think it's looked very flattering on anyone." (Said to someone else who was unhappy how a pattern turned out...when I loved my own version of it.)
• "That print doesn't do you any favors." (Posted in response to one of my reviews, again for a print dress that I was actually happy with.)

Of course, it's not always the body police who post comments like these. There's also the fit police and the blog police. One sewing blogger took it upon herself to post direct links to blogs showcasing what she felt was sloppy work. I've also seen comments deriding blogs posted by beginner sewists for setting bad examples. (One such comment sparked this very thoughtful post from BeaJay.) Speaking for myself, I rarely post any sort of tutorials because as a largely self-taught sewist, I worry that my way of doing something isn't the "right" way. When I do post anything on fit or tutorial-esque, I'll usually post a disclaimer that "this is how *I* do it; there might be a better way". I've seen other more seasoned and talented sewists than myself post similar disclaimers.

I wonder how many other curvy and plus sized sewists hesitate to blog or post reviews with pictures of themselves because they don't want to open themselves up to potentially hurtful comments. I know that I've gone through phases where I didn't post much online because I didn't want to be vulnerable. (On a side note, somehow in the blur of last month, I missed that the Curvy Sewing Collective set up a private flickr group. Ask to join if you want some body-snark-free curvy sewing inspiration!)

So, what do those of us in the online sewing community do about these things? Mean girls are going to be mean girls, whether they're 16 or 46. Has anyone come up with a good way to deal with these comments when they happen? Do others (besides BeaJay and myself) have a tendency to sometimes take random comments too personally?